I think I'm learning to relax.
How hard could this be, you might be wondering.
I haven't done it in years and that isn't an exaggeration. I tend to sit on the edge of chairs as if I might have to spring off with only a moment's notice, worry about nearly everything, nag myself for lags in productivity.
Lately, however, I've noticed a change. I've been sleeping really well... REALLY well. Waking up late, lounging about the day, without a worry.
It's been a week since this phenomena began. Any fifty-year-old women out there? You know what I mean about the sleep thing. Baby, it don't come easy.
Regardless of the time I chose to go to bed, my pattern for the past number of years has been to fall asleep for about ninety minutes to two hours, wake up, toss and turn for two hours or more, fall asleep fitfully till it was time to wake up. A good night's sleep had meant waking up numerous times but being able to fall asleep immediately thereafter "without the awake for hours" part. That was considered good. Geez. It was so bad that I actually loathed getting sleepy because I knew it would only bring another round of torture.
So, this new-found ability is nothing short of miraculous.
A new bed that accommodates my crappy back, being on my work break, and being single are all playing a role.
While the medical world may not, as of yet, be able to discover exactly why we need sleep, I believe they would agree with me in the powers of a good night's sleep. I stand in awe.
No wonder women of a certain age look like they're a certain age, have a rep for cantankerousness, and have spotty memories. This sleep thing is really amazing. I highly recommend it.
I also now realize why numbers of couples choose to sleep apart. It's so they can get a solid night's sleep without listening to someone else snoring or being jostled about on the bed whenever someone else rolls over or being wakened when someone else has to pee. It's so you can maintain your own perfect sleeping temperature and light.
A good night's sleep or rather a series of good night sleeps also mean that I'm more relaxed during the day. There is less of that perimenopausal anxiety, less worry about what the day might bring.
If only I had the ability to write an ode to sleep. However Thomas Warton Jr. did. Here are the first two verses (the poem gets too gloomy afterward for what I have in mind today.)
On this my pensive pillow, gentle Sleep!
Descend, in all thy downy plumage drest:
Wipe with thy wing these eyes that wake to weep,
And place thy crown of poppies on my breast.
O steep my senses in oblivion's balm,
And sooth my throbbing pulse with lenient hand;
This tempest of my boiling blood becalm!
Despair grows mild at thy supreme command.
Ahhh.... beautiful sleep.